Sunday, July 02, 2006

Stop, You Scofflaw! It's the Grammar Police!

We try to do it mainly within the walls of our own home. But occasionally it’s hard to restrain ourselves. When it happens in public, strangers and casual acquaintances look askance at us. Even though friends are a little more accepting, they still sigh, and roll their eyes. It’s a persnickety little habit that my family members and I share: we often posse up as The Grammar Police.

I realize that many people scoff at the importance or necessity of good grammar. Informality rules the day, and speech and the written word are often means to an end in communication, rather than a strict and precise discipline in and of themselves. With such thinking, anything is acceptable. People may also think that learning rules, cases, and exceptions is boring, and a waste of time.

Using proper grammar requires discipline and control. It constrains the user to an orderly method and regimen. Success in almost any venture certainly requires at least a modicum of these attributes. The objection that adherence to proper grammar stifles creativity is groundless when one realizes that grammar is only a framework or vehicle, and the true creativity stems from the user’s ability to embellish, elaborate, and extend within the given syntax. Formal language and the ability to effectively communicate are what separate us from other animal life. And quite frankly, our grammar is going to the dogs.

Thus, I have deputized myself for a special task force on eradicating certain grammatical errors. Before continuing, I will make a disclaimer. My family and I don’t purport to have perfect grammar 100% of the time. (Well, perhaps my husband and sons strive for that distinction.) But here are a few simple, and altogether too frequent, grammatical errors that we see and hear each day that make us cringe, wince, and want to issue the following citations:

  1. Misuse of Apostrophes and Contractions

Examples of the Offense:

Your a fanatic about grammar. (Correct: You’re a fanatic…)

Its an important skill. (Correct: It’s an important skill.)

Each rule has it’s own relevant reason’s. (Correct: Each rule has its own relevant reasons.)

Actually that last example is a Double Offense, punishable by 20 additional stripes with a wet noodle.

  1. Improper Use of Pronouns

Example of the Offense:

Him and me are doing our English homework. (Correct: He and I…)

Again, the preceding example is a Double Offense.

  1. Failure to Use Fewer

Example of the Offense:

I have less mistakes than you. (Correct: I have fewer…)

  1. Not Caring Enough About Caring Less

Example of the Offense:

I could care less about grammar. (Correct: I couldn’t care less about grammar.)

For more common mistakes, see this Grammar Slammer website. But now, for fun, examine the concluding paragraph below, and find at least 15 grammatical errors, misspellings, and misused words NOT mentioned above. Then, post a comment detailing your findings!

Beware of the Grammer Police! Expecially at the end of the month when they are trying to fill their quotas. That's where they lay in wait to site you for even the minutest offence, and they don't often except excuses. Some offenders have tried talking they're way out of citations, apologizing lamely for there infractions: "Sorry, I was in a big hurry to get to my english class!" or "How should I have known that? I've never went to grammer school!" A honest admission and sincere desire to change, instead of excuses, usually has a better affect on The Grammer Police. Irregardless of your opinion of their methods, they are trying to actually help. And in the long run, using good grammer is something we should all strive for.

Posted by Cyppy at 3:49 PM
Comments:
como estas, espero que cuando leas mi invitacion estes bien , entre a invitarte a ver mis esculturas en metal y a que me dejes tu opinion sobre ellas, un beso
www.alejandrovila.tk
posted by Blogger Alejandro Vila : 7/02/2006 5:25 PM
 
I commend you on a very worthwhile post. I nearly let out an audible gasp when I began reading that last paragraph. Even when I realized that your errors were humorously intentional, reading that paragraph produced an effect very similar to that of scraping fingernails down a chalkboard. Writing that adheres to the rules of grammar, on the other hand, is a singular pleasure to read. Do not apologize for your affiliation with the grammar police. It is a noble calling that you must fulfill with integrity. You should also check out the following site dedicated to English usage: http://www.wsu.edu/~brians/errors/errors.html#errors.
posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7/03/2006 5:51 PM
 
I hope this does not extend to Messenger conversations! I am lucky to get even 5 out of 7 correct letters in a word. By the way, shouldn't it be "A means to and end"? Or is the "A" dropped because you mentioned two items previously, and so it is some sort of plural?

I think that, in the long run, writing that brings home one's point to the intended audience is the most effective and most desirable. Hopefully, proper grammer is included. But lest some readers are scared off by your extensive use of lesser-known words--(was that correct?)--we should empasize that good grammar can be used in plain speaking and plain writing as well! :)
posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7/04/2006 9:43 PM
 
If one uses the famous prepositional witticism questionably attributed to Winston Churchill, then one might find almost twenty errors in the paragraph.
However, Shakespeare's caveat, "Virtue turns vice, being misapplied," also speaks to grammar.
Whether or not the panda bear in the bar "Eats shoots and leaves" or "Eats, shoots, and leaves," if there are only pedants left who care, then so be it!
posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7/06/2006 6:06 PM
 
Such sophisticated and urbane comments, Anonymous! Do you have a blog? I'm sure that would be great writing up with which I would gladly put!
posted by Blogger Cyppy : 7/07/2006 9:07 AM
 
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